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  • Tracey Murray

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance ~ Oscar Wilde

So much popular self help advice suggests that we must "learn to love ourselves." It’s good advice, but how exactly do we do it?


We often believe that we DO love ourselves, and yet our actions and reactions suggest otherwise. Loving yourself is essential to your personal growth, and to developing healthy, happy relationships with others. Instead of trying to just talk yourself into believing you have self-love, foster compassion for yourself with these three practical steps:


💚 Care as much about yourself as you do for others. It sounds simple, but many of us don’t do this because we think we are being selfish or that our own needs are not important. They are. It is NOT selfish to care about yourself. Compassion for yourself means showing concern for your own feelings as well as for others.

💚 Maintain your boundaries.

Write a list of the things that you need emotionally, things that are important to you and that upset you or hurt your feelings when they are ignored or violated. They could include being listened to; getting sympathy when you’re hurt; being celebrated when you succeed or knowing you can rely on someone.

💚 Do what you need to do to be you.

First, figure out what makes you feel good. It doesn’t matter what it is, but become aware of how you feel when you do things. Do you feel exhausted at work, but exhilarated when you’re in the garden? Do you feel fulfilled when you are writing poetry or volunteering? Find out what makes you feel good and do it, as often as you can.


These things can help you to develop a sense of accomplishment, a sense of pride in what you are doing and who you are, and a realization that you are a worthy, talented, capable, lovable person who deserves to be loved. And the most important person to believe that is you💚

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